Got my first acceptance letter

It's from Clemson University. WOO WOO.

Still waiting to hear back from my first and second choices: SUNY Stonybrook and UH Manoa.

Also starting in on crunch time for my research. The APS meeting is the weekend of May 12th/13th and I will be presenting then. I've got some great stuff about how to improve teaching methods and retention rates for women in STEM from various studies and C.M. Steeles' work on stereotype threat. More on this later.

WOOT WOOT I'm going to the Spring APS meeting

So my research prof has asked if I would be interested in presenting my research into differences in performance between men and women on the Force Concept Inventory, a test of basic understanding of Newtonian principles administered at the beginning and end of algebra and calculus based introductory physics courses, at the 11th Annual Meeting of the Northwest Section of APS.

While I'm not interested in going into Education Research and I'm not doing this as a Senior Project (or actually getting credit at all for this this quarter) it is something that I approached him and the other prof who is working on Physics Education research with at the end of last quarter and am highly interested in. I actually chose to get into Physics partly because my dream job is working for the NSF on working on increasing accessibility and retention of women and girls in STEM fields, so it kind of makes sense that this is what I am now doing. (Even though I am now in the mathematics department and in love with group and field theory and research I would never turn down a job at the NSF doing that.)

I am really excited and may be paying out of pocket (since I will have graduated at the end of this quarter) for one credit of independent study to work on this and to get departmental funds to present this at the APS conference. We also talked about me presenting it at scholar's week since it comes after the APS conference and I will already have everything put together. Also, even though this is not a senior project and I'm not officially a physics major I agreed to present my findings to the Physics Department as studies have shown that non-traditional teaching methods, i.e. those that incorporate interactive sessions, show greater improvement in women's scores then in men's (men's scores generally improve well no matter what teaching method is used.)

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I have to work on my presentation skills. Hopefully I will be able to post some of my findings here as I work on them more. I just received some new data so I'd like to add that first before I start talking about it publicly.

Calling all Scientists

Right now I'm doing some research on the Force Concept Inventory and gender differences in performance on the FCI. I have also been in contact with Laura McCullough and will hopefully be receiving a copy of what they used for research, the "Gender Force Concept Inventory." (In which there seemed to be a marked improvement by both sexes except on one problem.) We're (hopefully) going to give the GFCI & FCI (randomly) to both the algebra and calculus based classes next quarter.

Anyone have any resources, articles, etc on this subject? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

The cool thing is that J & A approached me with this idea for a research project.

I'll actually post more on what I'm doing later. There's more to what I'm doing, because what J & A are trying to do is figure out how to fine tune inquiry based physics education. J's original proposition was that he wanted to find of if inquiry based classes worked better for men or women, so that's the bigger picture and of course working on IB learning betterment regardless of gender. We're thinking that the FCI is a good place to start, but of course if the questions are crappy then we're never going to be able to accurately gauge how well the class is doing.

You know what's fun...

A homework problem that expects you to recall stuff from a course that you could have taken, oh, a YEAR ago. I'm not asking to be retaught it, but seriously if you would have told me the equation, or anything like where to find it so I could refresh my knowledge, that would be great.

I hate this class, which is a shame since I loved DiffEQs before. I mean it's not like I have homework problems that are 2-3 page BURLY derivations like in Modern Physics. Gah. I'll be done with this class (and the quarter) next Thursday. Thank Her Holy Hoovedness.

To do

1) Abstract Algebra final due Wednesday
final check before turning take home in Wednesday

2) answer thermal physics final question (ONLY ONE) due Tuesday morning

3) prove ONE MORE FUCKING PROOF before Wednesday's 2 hour class proved nothing, but then neither did 68% of the class.

4) mail the Buffy DVDs I sold on Amazon this week by Tuesday

5) celebrate the end of finals and *sigh*

6) take out friend from Abstract class on wed. night for drinks starting with trivia night

7) write essay for REU

8) YAY SPRING BREAK!!!!! mmmmm *rubs hands together and ogles the pile of books on the desk*

Pi day!

SO today at 1:59 (3/14 1:59 haha) that math department showed this HI-larious video called The Great Pi/e Debate. (I would LOVE to have Garrity as one of my prof's. He's hysterical! I love it! I do like the prof's that get all crazy and yell. Branco does that all the time especially with proofs, it's highly amusing.)

I also found this:

e vs pi!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, in the one corner we have pi. First written about by Euclid, pi is the ratio of the circumference of any circle to its diameter. Pi's been baffling people for millennia with its ability to just keep going without end. And here's the thing folks, it's the same for ALL circles! you can have a circle so small you can't even see it, and it'll be pi times as big around as it is across. And then you can draw a circle around your house, and same thing. If you had a circle that went all the way around the universe, people, its circumference would be pi times its diameter."

"And in the other corner, the scrappy young e! e was studied by the mathemetician Euler in the 1700s, e certainly doesn't have as much experience as pi, and at a measly 2.71828, certainly gives up a weight advantage to pi's 3.14159, but don't let that fool you folks...e can go on just as bafflingly long as pi, and represents the limit as n approaches infinity of (1 + 1/n)n. It is the base for the natural logarithm! The graph of f(x)=ex has a slope of exactly ex at any value of x! That's right folks, it derives its OWN tangent!"

"AND WITH THAT, e takes an early jab at pi, which reels back but quickly multiplies itself by i and raises e to...-1! Oh, e is hurting people but quickly re-derives itself from itself showing pi the versatility of truly interdimensional mathematics..., pi confined merely to the cartesian plane is quickly lost in its meager foray into Complex mathematics, and tries to re-aquire geometric footing..."

"But Pi's not done here folks, the referee can't really comprehend this higher-calculus either and quickly breaks up the hold. Pi immediately starts spinning out sine waves, proving its utility to electrical and recording engineers worldwide, but e is unimpressed. Despite lying "undiscovered" for centuries longer than pi, e demonstrates its presence throughout nature in the shell of the nautilus, the expansion of the universe, and even the architectual designs of pi's Greek contemporaries."

"Pi stumbles back, dumbfounded and weakly shields itself with a large circle, but its bag of tricks appears to be running empty, and e is just getting started, as it begins to feed itself into continuously-compounding interest equations, showing off its economic maximizing potential. But it's still not done, it's now rubbing pi's face in the base-e numerical system, with the undisputed most efficient economy of numerical width times radix, leaving no doubt as to where the "natural logarithm" got its name."

"Now I must say here, folks that stylisticaly speaking, pi looks good, but e has the undeniable presence advantage, being found on every keyboard, while pi is inherently difficult to type, not even being included in the ASCII character set. Nobody's confusing e with dessert, either, and the game may be stacked here, but ln(e1)=1, while ln(pi1) is incredibly ugly."

"Pi is definitely outclassed here. It's a textbook case of a long-time champion growing overconfident in its size and inertia and getting out maneuvered by a leaner, meaner number who just wanted it more. The winner by undisputed decision and a KNOCKOUT is...."

"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

This deathmatch brought to you by by the balanced ternary number 111, and the letter theta

(source here)

Hope this doesn't spoil this for ya, but e wins twice in one day! That's my constant!

e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!e!

in other news: physics final: one question about entropy of the universe, easy. to be done on Monday with some other physics students. algebra final: done with page one, gonna do a little here, a little there, meeting with someone before wednesday (when it's due.) evil deathly proofs class: must prove at least one more thing for wednesday.

Wow, this explains A LOT!

So, thanks to wonderful women science bloggers from my blogroll (like Science Woman and Mad Scientist) I have found an article about Imposter Syndrome that is in this week's Science Careers.

"Impostor syndrome" is the name given to the feelings that Abigail and many other young scientists describe: Their accomplishments are just luck or deceit, and they're in over their heads. The key to getting past it, experts say, is making accurate, realistic assessments of your performance. Perhaps equally important: knowing you're not alone. Abigail thinks that sharing her feelings with other people is how she will eventually come to grips with her sense of feeling like an impostor. "It's fantastic to hear other people say, 'I've felt that way, too.' "

It's a feeling I get often, thinking that I have somehow gotten this far in math and physics by dumb luck or cheating, though I have never EVER done the second one, but I still feel that somehow I *must* have done something to warrant it. Example: For abstract algebra we get notes for a test, and I know there will be T/F problems on it, and I have space left on my sheet because I've all ready written all the definitions, proofs, and theorems that I can not easily remember or access (my brain looks just as messy as my work space), so I type up all the T/F questions with the answers (I've had the prof before and know they'll be the same questions). I got them all right when I answered them on the homework, and I have horrible test anxiety, but it feels like I'm cheating, even though I know the material well, having A's on the homework and knowing that other people in the class (who are mostly math fellows and grad students) are doing the *exact* same thing that I am doing. It feels like cheating, but I'm still doing it, because I know it's a big portion of my grade and to be honest, I can do homework, I can help people, I know the material inside and out, but I bomb on tests. ALWAYS. It's why I've gone from an A to a B in some of my classes. The damn final.

I get extra time on tests because I have a severe anxiety disorder. I am getting a tutor for my proofs class because (dis)Ability resources stepped in and intervened because I was having anxiety attacks every time I did the homework and even one in class the other day. This is the class we're supposed to do Moore Method though the way it is described in the link sounds wonderful compared to the way my class is run. *I* do not learn well this way, not at all. A few of my classmates told me that they are fine with this and expressed concern over my anxiety problems (it's a small department and one of them is a math fellow and I tried to keep this away from them since I didn't want to lord it over them, but they found out). This is obviously something that is warranted due to my disability, but it still feels like it's an unfair advantage over others (though I'm sure that they don't have to get up and take a walk around the building to calm down during a test as to keep from having a full blown anxiety attack.)

I have passed classes I've never studied for, and actually done really well. So why do I feel like I somehow don't deserve this? Like I won't be able to survive grad school or post-grad school research (I want to go into research) because somehow someone will discover that I can't do it, that I'm incapable, that I don't know what I'm doing, that I'm horrible at math and physics. I'm 2 1/2 quarters away from completing an undergrad degree in mathematics (the last quarter being computer programming and math history being the only required classes, so really only one more quarter of real math classes (I am also taking quantum mechanics b/c I'm a geek and may be going into mathematical physics)) and I have to constantly remind myself that I AM smart, that I DO know this.

It's strange that I have to continually remind myself of these things so close to my goal. I am passing my proofs class, even through all the anxiety (which up until I was told I could have a tutor was giving me such horrible anxiety I was unable to sleep for the first 6 weeks of the quarter), and I am IN LOVE with my abstract algebra class. It was really tough for the first assignment, but the last one was easy, I was helping other people out with their homework, and I was LOVING it. I'm confident that I will do well on the test tomorrow. I love this stuff and am seriously considering going to graduate school for it. It's fun and it comes really easy for me. But I still feel like there's a catch. But I'm just going to try and beat it out of my head. I may not be a grad student or a professional, but knowing that other people feel this way is v v helpful. I CAN do this, and I AM good at this.

UGH. I hate this ridiculousness.

i will, i will, i will

I WILL leave the house in time to go to school tomorrow.

I WILL go to EVERY class, even if one of my prof's doesn't lecture on the material (our test on Wednesday had questions from 3 chapters ahead of what we were assigned to study. WHo does that? No reading, no lecture, no homework. I have no idea how the hell we were supposed to know that. I just looked up temperature in the index and read EVERY section on it until I got to the relevant one.) , the other prof lectures straight from the book, and the last class is the evil proofs class where I desperately feel as though I will fly into a blind rage or cry at any given moment.

I WILL finish that damn proof I've been working on for 3 hours. (mixing delta/epsilon proofs with cluster points and continuity (but at least it's a closed set and I *know* how to do it in a hand wave-y way, but not a "rigorous" way *sigh* I can explain the concepts and how it will work, but how to put it all together to form that whole crappy rigorous proof thing, bah. Have I mentioned lately that I hate this class? He doesn't like it when I turn in proofs written in the style that my 401 prof likes them to be written. ARGH. At least I get A's for those assignments, so it's not that I can't write proofs, just not these (since I can't use a damn book)))

I WILL get up 2 hours early to go to my prof's office hours so I can finish said proof.

I WILL do my physics homework tonight, even though I will have an hour between office hours and class tomorrow.

I WILL drink that glass of wine tonight so that I can make sure I will actually sleep so I can get #' 1, 2, and 3 done.

I WILL FINALLY call the doctor's office and make that appointment to up the dose on my medication that I so direly need since I've had a "low mood" (nice euphemism for depression) for the past 3 weeks.

Ugh. *fingers crossed* these things actually happen.

copperboom

Finished abstract homework, evil moore method class taken today, and my thermal physics prof told us that the test is "you can use anything except the person next to you."

Not so stressed anymore.

Hehehehe

I'm worth 3 points! Hurray!

Oh great science/math people who stop by here

HELP!!!!!!

I'm looking at grad schools, and I have no idea what to do with it. I've been putting it off because it is so overwhelming and this past quarter I've been struggling with so many health issues I just couldn't add more stress to my life.

I'm in love with Abstract algebra, linear algebra, and physics. I want to find a school where I could be a research assistant or at least be a TA that doesn't have to teach entry level math b/c my pre-calc is HORRIBLE. I'd prefer to start next winter/spring, but there are some places that only start in the fall (though one of them I'm going to apply for even though I don't think I'll get in, but hey, no application fee so why the hell not).

Any tips on researching grad schools? What I can find, or if you're in math what programs should I look into given what I like? My advisor is out of the country for the rest of the year and to be completely honest the closest person I have to an advisor is in the physics department whereas I'm in math.

Or should I just do a post-bacc and finish my physics degree too?

Thoughts? Ideas? Pointers, please. (I'll love you forever.)

Lazy Day posting continues

So my temperature has remained steady today at 96F/35.6C. Can someone tell me what a dangerous level is? I know that if my temp drops to 94.7F/34.8C that I should go to the doctor because that happened to me a few summers ago and I rode it out in bed under every blanket I could find in the house while it was beautiful and warm. All the things I look for online say "hypothermia" but how can I have hypothermia when I haven't been in any situation in which I would develop it. For the past 3 days when at home I am covered in blankets, with the heater on (I never use it), and wrapped in my lovely fleece robe and really warm clothes when I go out. Maybe I should see my doctor now because I'm continually fluctuating between being fine and too hot. Why can't I get a fever like everyone else and should I be worried?

I didn't go to school, didn't turn in my homework that I worked on for hours last night on and missed my lab meeting. Because I finally crawled out from beneath the covers so late I will still be running my lab tommorrow morning (didn't notify them in time today) and I haven't gotten a chance to go over it yet. Craptastic. Also, I still haven't gotten the grading guidelines for last weeks lab and I'm supposed to grade them by tommorrow at 8. Bah.

Yesterday the only time I didn't feel sick was when I was doing my homework. Gonna do some calculus homework now in the hopes that it will make me feel better. (Miraculously for the 10 minutes I took my quiz on Friday I did not feel my left frontal lobe trying to escape out the front of my skull. When the quiz was done my migraine returned full force. Yippiee.) Maybe I've discovered a new cure for pain and illness? Or maybe I was concentrating so hard on my work I didn't notice the pain and overwhelming crappy feeling of being sick.

I was going to post some links, but I of course closed the tabs they were in. But here's a funny one: Inky Circus on the Calculus of Saying I Love You

Enjoy.

Not dead

Buried by school work. Why the hell do profs have homework assignments due 1 to 2 days after they finish covering the material? (The book wasn't particularly illuminating in either case.)

I have Physics homework that I'm still working on 6 hours later, and math homework I *just* completed. Not to mention a test I have to study for and a quiz, though the quiz is not on the homework I spent 2 hours doing. When am I supposed to study for these? Not sleep?

I'm on the verge of having a panic attack, but I'm trying not to.

ARGH

We got the grant!

Now I will actually be paid for helping to rewrite the calculus based physics labs. I got the short stick and am TAing the 8 am lab. Yay for me. Oh, and for the department and the students.


I hope I'm not overwhelmed by it all.

Bits and Pieces

-I think I did well on my Limits final. I hope it's not just a feeling.
-I have my multivariate calculus I final tommorrow. I haven't studied all quarter and have an A, but I've been studying since I got a B *gasp* on the last test. Talk about wake up call!
-Been spending time with an accordian playing, juggling, anti-porn, amazing math geek. I am very happy, though this throws a wrench in the whole 'spinsterhood' thing. (He's also a very dapper dresser-purple and yellow striped bow tie the other day, *squee*) Very much fun is being had. Glad I finally asked for an accordion date a few weeks ago.
-Zombiewalk Vancouver is Saturday. Meet at the Vancouver Art Gallery at 3. All zombies welcome.
-Chicago in less then a week. At least I'll have one week of *real* summer.
-At Chicago I will be attending the annual big boring meeting, aka the IWW (Industrial Workers of the World) General Assembly.
-Get to see my grandmas, YAY!
-I have developed arthritis in my right pointer and middle finger. Knitting hurts, but Tylenol Arthritis came highly recommened, I hope it works b/c I'm not about to give up knitting.
-Been reading Pornified, will post my thoughts later.
-ONE MONTH OFF OF SCHOOL AFTER TOMMORROW!!!
-My old prof who I will be helping rewrite the calculus based physics labs with has asked me to take Classical Mechanics with him this fall. How could I say no?

Moving on/Random Bullets

Car Troubles
SO my darling '94 Toyota Pickup died on a trip up to Vancouver. My 4 month old radiator neck snapped off causing the radiator fluid to spew out which totally destroyed the engine. I love that truck so much, I've been around the country several times and put my futon mattress in the back to make those cross country trips possible. It holds so many memories and it's so strange to have a new car that runs so silently and is not a truck. I mean, my new 99 Subaru Forester is a good car, but it's so fancy compared to Truckie. And I entered the adult world of making car payments every month. I will be paying for the next 5 years. Wooo. Her name's Audrey. It's just weird b/c my truck was one of a kind and everyone around here has a subaru w/lots of Foresters. Pooo. I got an IWW window cling and a Cubs sticker on the window, but I'm hesitant to put any more stickers on, for now.

School
My lab may be cancelled this summer, fingers crossed that it doesn't because I need the money. We didn't get the grant for writing the new labs this summer, so I don't have that job either, but hopefully we'll get the grant this fall. The labs need a lot more work, and I'm not just saying that because I'll get paid to work on them. Classes start on Tuesday. I'm taking Multivariate Calculus (which I put off way too long...I elected to take the harder non-calculus courses first) and Limits and Infinite Series, which is kind of scary as we don't have a textbook. It'll be weird to go back to 200-level classes after a year of 300-level. I passed Discrete, which makes me soooo happy, and I aced Advanced Linear Algebra. WOO WOO.

Dance dance dance
Preparing for the competition in October, and the performance on the 20th I got some practice heels and new performance shoes. Stupid ballroom competition means that I must wear heels. F*$%ing hell.

Practice shoes because I can't even walk in heels:


Performance shoes:

Mmmmmm, shiny and red. I'm in love.

Bits and pieces

-My mood stabiliser is working! I love you Lamictal! (I think it may have added a few more spoons to my day.
-I will be helping to rewrite the Physics 101 labs and the calculus based physics labs this summer.
-Gilmore Girls ended last night. I'm so sad, but I loved that they ended with Rori and Lorelai talking in Luke's Diner-it was perfect. (And I'm also happy that Lorelai and Luke are back together....it was inevitable)
-Finished my Summary and Evaluation for my senior seminar and gave it to my advisor. No more writing!
-Got That 70's Show Season 3 from Netflix today. I love it except how it normalises porn usage.
-Got a B on my last Linear Algebra test
-Went grocery shopping yesterday, one of the stores offered buy one get one free on dried food for everyone using food stamps. Now I won't have to get so completely wiped out from shopping for awhile. (I had no more spoons left after shopping)
-Need to get my computer fixed. It won't give me my DVD back.
-Have downloaded all but the Christmas special of the new Doctor Who
-Teaching lab in an hour
-Happy about getting published in the Scientiae carnival.
-Finally got my financial aid (with 3 weeks left and one week of finals, grrrr)
-Miss Chicago terribly. Got to go back to see my little brother graduate from Northern Illinois with a Mechanical Engineering degree. I didn't want to leave. I miss my city.
-Heroes finale on Monday. Sooooooooo excited.
-Woke up covered in cats this morning. Yay!
-R2D2, Death Star, and Yoda Pez dispensers
-SUN!
-Lost weight since I've been taken of Risperdal. My summer pants fit again, thank god.
-Half way through putting together my hour long presentation on women in mathematics and the mathematics of nature.
-Counting down the days until summer (even though I have summer school and am teaching a lab)

I usually like snow

Today some of the physics lab TA's made a giant snow woman (complete with nipples) and a smaller snow man grabbing her ass. Do I need to point out why I hate them so much?

Also, some days I think that I didn't get re-evaluated for Disability (I had a review this year and I didn't have to go see one of their shrinks again.) because their psyciatrist diagnosed me as Borderline, just like the pyschiatrist at my doctor's office. Welcome to the wastebasket. (More on this and BPD later, as many of you know I am fond of blogging about.)

I apparently missed a post on bees and hives, and I'm happy to say my bubble is still intact, because I have no idea what ya'll are talking about.