They need me

So my water polo team sent me an email telling me their other goalie is not going to be able to make the last 2 games of the tournament and they need me there. I told them that I would go, but I'm worried about having another anxiety attack because they hate me. They don't hate me, they hate me because I don't act like them. That and I'm hairy. Well I guess so, because they sure do like to talk about me when they think I'm not there. I'm not sure if going is the best idea, but I'd only be there for two games, though they are on saturday and then sunday. I am used to sitting there feeling like the odd person out, I do have 2 years of practice with the team.

But water polo makes me feel great, when I can think about water polo and not how stupid my team is. Lets just hope that I can think about playing and not my team this time. I know I'm not supposed to take Kava Kava with my zoloft, but really, can once be that bad? Because it helps me tremendously in sore spots like that. To stave off an anxiety attack or depression I have used it many many times to success.

*Sigh*

I don't know what to do. The part of me that loves water polo wants to be there, to have a final game that I play all of. That part of me is ecstatic about the turn of events, but part of me is dreading dealing with my team and just knowing that they have no confidence in me. Not because I'm not a good player, but, again, because I'm not like them. Waaaah.