It's about that time again

For my friends to put on the yearly Autonomous Mutant Fest. Now I used to go all the time when I traveled with The End of the World Circus, but I was feeling a lot stronger last year and kind of missed some of the people that I have known for a decade. I was thinking about going again this year to see those few people that I miss dearly and only got to see for a short time last year. So here's the thing(s):

-Having to see someone who tries to be my friend after our entire relationship consisted of him trying to fuck me, me saying 'no' and threatening to hit him with various things, and me telling women he was hitting on that he had STD's and he wouldn't tell them about them and that he wouldn't wear a condom (everyone in the circus knew this, why so many rad women say that they love him is beyond me. I've actually punched him once or twice. No love here. I wish he was dead.)

-Having to deal with circus freaks like abovementioned asshole who think that burlesque and porn are peachy keen and contain women who constantly try to 'outsexy' each and run around wearing next to nothing b/c that's what radical circus people do and try to drag me into it. (YO! I'm a CLOWN! We're only sexy in a completely anti-establishment sexy kind of way. We wear funny clothes and make asses of ourselves. That's fucking hot.)

-Also have to deal with men and women who think I should lighten up about forementioned asshole because 'it's Pierre, everybody loves him!' Also have to deal with circus men thinking that I will want to sleep with them with or without their partner's knowledge because hey, they're polyamorists. (Sometimes the invite includes said partner, but seriously if you can't hang out with me as a friend and are only nice to me when you want in my pants I ain't gonna sleep with you. Now if we're all friends and you like me for more then how I look well then we can have a crazy good time.)

-Last year after the screening of a couple of Lost Film Festival movies somebody put a porn on. No warning, no indication that the next movie was going to be a porn. Parents were upset (good amount of kids in the audience); I was spitting nails. But you know it's cool, because some people made it at the festival. That's subversive, dude. Also since I was lucky enough to see the beggining (since I had no time to leave beforehand) I noticed that this subversive porn contained about 5 seconds of foreplay. Yeah because I know any woman who gets off in 5 seconds. Also NO CONDOM! This was the last thing I saw (I had to collect my props from the circus show we had before the film...I would have been glad to have seen the first second and taken off like a bat out of hell, but I have some nice props.) and loudly yelled about. Someone then yelled where condoms could be found for free.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. The pure assumption that everyone would be ok with porn b/c we're all so subversive and counter-culture pissed me off. As I found my way away from the camp they were showing this at I ran into some mothers who were just as angry as I was about how there was no warning and about how showing a porn in totally open space like that was horrible. Some had a feminist tint to their concerns, but I was the only one sans kid complaining about the porn. Most concerns were about their children seeing them, and that is a concern as well, but I want to live in a world where women aren't seen and pushed onto us as fuckholes. Everyone else was all 'lighten up' though I did have a good conversation with a fellow female clown about how porn is bad and the difference between porn and erotica. She got it, but I don't think fully, but that someone in that atmosphere who's friends with Pierre (asshole of the second paragraph) was open to listening and actually thinking about what I said was awesome. Sheesh. Somedays it's like begging for scraps.

Gah. I'm supposed to go back, but this just makes me pissy. I hate people sometimes. Maybe for just a weekend. If it sucks I can always leave. But there are a few people that I want to get in touch with that I have no other way of getting in touch with. I miss Brian...he's teh awesome. *sigh*