Sunday, November 05, 2006

I don't know how to feel about this?

Brad Will murdered in Oaxaca

Some may recognise the name from my blog against Sexual Violence day post. One of my abusers, who acted in a predatory manner towards so many women in the activist community in the US on both coasts is dead, and I keep recieving all the emails from the activist community all angry and sad, yet I just want to respond with how much of a sexual predator and abuser he was. But as yet I've held my tongue. I've been sitting on this for a week, wanting to blog it, wanting to cheer that this bastard is dead, wanting to mourn the death of an activist, but to me you cannot affect change while being a misogynist fuck. Or by being racist/homophobic/classist/etc. Though I haven't sent that email back to the list, I am telling you all in blogoland about this, and a search looking for Brad Will might bring people here, but then again it might have brought them here before. Yes it is sad someone doing good work was killed, but think of all the women he cannot terrorise now. All the women who will remain in the activist scene, not being chased off by the predator. Reading all about how great he was just makes me sick to my stomach, because for many of us women, he was horrible. No more glorifying the dead. Fuck it.

I've been having many dreams lately that have to do with my past in NYC, my past that included Brad. I can't say that they've done anything to help my PTSD, but at least in my concious mind I know that he cannot hurt me or anyone else anymore. That at an activist gathering I no longer need to have that awkward conversation with a bunch of men who think he's great about how he's a sexual predator. No more being approached by other women to go to the group and ask that Brad be asked to leave. No more.

So why isn't it over for me yet?

PS: Joida's back. Go say hi.

6 comments:

Joida said...

I've never been a fan of glorifying the dead myself. Truth is an all-season sport. I hope you will overcome all your struggles with time.

*hearts and hugs*

Anonymous said...

Have a hug... It isn't over for you yet, I suspect, because you feel conflicted about telling the truth about this man. Don't apologise for speaking about what he did to you and others. Your experience is valid and painful. I hope that you can feel stronger just by blogging about it today. love, Pippa x

spotted elephant said...

How can it be over with all of the outpouring of love for him? You're right-the murder of an activist is awful.

But people don't get to pick and choose. He was an activist doing good work. He was also a rapist. Anyone who would want to silence your voice is an abusive fuck who considers women to be disposable.
(((Burrow)))

lost clown said...

Best comment:
brad's death is an outrage. having known him i am personally affected by this. but what i can't help but recognize is an upsetting stirring about the complete lack of solidarity and expression of grief about the murdered oaxacan people during the blockade. there are no cries of disbelief - no lockdowns - not until a white american gets killed. is it because we assume that it's "normal" for black and brown people of the "third world" to kill each other? we think "oh, that sucks, back to my dance parties, coffee drinking, and dumpster diving"???

What about their lives and dignity?

All i'm saying here is let us reflect in this moment about how our racism and classism allows us to ignore the deaths of so many people throughout the world who are fighting for justice or are killed by oppression. let us refelct as to what the reasons are that allow us to be numb. sometimes it's not even in another country - but in our own backyards - as murders by police continue to increasingly go by without protest or sustained alarm.

it will do all lives' and hearts and passions justice.


And thanks, SE. That definitely makes me feel like I'm being punched in the gut everytime I read someone gushing over Brad, especially people who know (but then some of them have all ready been written off in my book as fuckers). Fuck.

Laura said...

((((((LC)))))))

People who know still gush? Fuck the fucking fuckers.

And I'm glad he is no longer a menace to female activists.

Speak spoons my dear xxxxx

Nella said...

I can't really express how much i admire you for going public on this.

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