Thursday, March 22, 2007

Bipolar II

I have been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and have been given a new mood stabiliser. Apparently it's the new kid on the block and is an anti-depressant as well. Hopefully this will work well and I won't get the horrid rash that means I have to stop taking it. *fingers crossed*

25 comments:

Anonmopolus said...

Can you please stop killing yourself with these drugs? And then documenting it in this perverse manner? By taking these drugs, you basically are saying: "I could not live without Eli Lilly. He is my savior." Please stop. And uncross your damn fingers. Shit.

lost clown said...

You can feel however you want about drugs. I used to feel the same way. Now all I want is to feel better. I won't tell you what to do with your body, you don't tell me what to do with mine.

Anonymous said...

Oh please. Don't try to play some quasi-feminist angle.

Fine. Do whatever you want to your body. You're obviously begging for advice if you keep posting this stuff. I was just trying to help.

Actually, I thought I was in a different place. I thought this blog is about "...a place to vent frustrations about living in a effed up white male dominated, capitalistic society." I guess you have a point. Big Pharma is not run by white men. And the profits from those drugs have nothing to do with capitalism. I'm sorry. I am way off.

deviousdiva said...

Anonymous? Who the hell are you to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do to feel better? For those of us that might need help just getting through, don't need self-righteous people telling us what kind of help we should accept Good grief I can't stand this kind of double standard type shit. Like you are not touched by white male dominated, capitalistic society? You don't shop or eat or work or vote or even live in the world we live in?

lost clown, do whatever you need to do to feel better. If that involves white men bla bla bla then so be it. Be better. You deserve it (and you don't deserve the judgemental bullshit from an anonymous (funny how they always are?) who knows nothing about what you or any of us go through.

Take care of yourself.
DD

spotted elephant said...

Hey anonymous, why aren't you trolling blogs of people with diabetes telling them to stop taking their insulin since it enriches white males? How about going after people with Parkinson's Disease?

Funny how only illnesses affecting the brain don't require treatment-treating any other body part is a-okay. Yes, Big Pharma is a nightmare and needs to be brought under control. That doesn't mean adding to the suffering of people with mental illnesses.

Welcome to the bipolar II club, lost clown. (((hug))) There is help out there, it just takes so long, sometimes. I'd be gone without my lithium. I hope this med works for you, as quickly as possible.

Terry said...

I'm BP II, too, LC. Both the meds I take (Geodon and Lamictal) have come out in the last few years and they're so much better than the lithium I took myself off of back in the 70s. I hope you'll be both symptom and side effect free very soon.

ms. jared said...

hey burrow. ignore that anonymous asshole. you know best what you need to do to feel better, so do it. and amen to what SE said. i'm sure anonahole wouldn't be telling someone who'd had a kidney transplant not to take their anti-rejection meds.

miss you. be well.
xoxo, jared

ms. jared said...

p.s. mental health *is* a feminist issue so it's ridiculous for anonahole to act like you're off topic discussing it on your own effing blog.
xoxo, jared

lost clown said...

Exactly.

Thanks for all the support. (Terry: I'm starting Lamictal, I hope I'm rash free and it works well.)

Breena Ronan said...

What does bipolar II mean? How is that different than bipolar?

Terry said...

Lamictal is my wonder drug, LC. When I'm on the right dose it almost completely kills my anxiety, as well as my hypomanic episodes and that out of control feeling. There's a wide range of dosage--I take 350 mg--so if the lower range that you start on doesn't do it, the doc can keep increasing it until it works, assuming you don't get the rash, of course. My daughter, who is also BPD II, got almost immediate relief from with it, within 2 weeks. I'm thinking powerful thoughts for you, kiddo, and I'm pulling for you. Hang in there.

lost clown said...

Bipolar II means you are bipolar but you don't get full blown manic states like bipolar I.

Thanks terry, that means a lot.

lost clown said...

Bipolar II means you are bipolar but you don't get full blown manic states like bipolar I.

Thanks terry, that means a lot.

KansasSunflower said...

I'm bipolar too, but not 1 or 2...my doctor said I don't have enough symptoms to "diagnose" either.

I take Lamictal that gave me a rash in the beginning - is that what you WERE taking?

What are you taking NOW?

Good luck with your new medication! I definitely know what a rollercoaster that can be!

KansasSunflower said...

I'm bipolar too, but not 1 or 2...my doctor said I don't have enough symptoms to "diagnose" either.

I take Lamictal that gave me a rash in the beginning - is that what you WERE taking?

What are you taking NOW?

Good luck with your new medication! I definitely know what a rollercoaster that can be!

Anonomopmoose said...

Diagnosing bipolar, ADD, etc is your doctor making a behavior judgement based on what he/she feels is "normal." We get happy. We get sad. In this culture -- it's a normal response to an insane situation.

Think about when a kid is diagnosed with ADD or Bipolar? Is it for the kid's benefit? OR, is it so the parents, teachers, future employers can better deal with the kid?

You do what you want, of course, just don't force others to become addicted to mind altering substances. Trust your body. And fuck the pillmakers.

I would never discount the way you feel -- I just think there are better ways to deal with it. Find a good herbalist and you'll be in love.

spleenal said...

I was down in a hole once, and drugs helped me out of that hole.
They put me on lustral. side effects include nausea, sweating, dizzyness, and delayed ejaculation!
Anyway with the help of drugs I climbed out of my hole and now don't need them.
keep taking the tablets.
until you don't need them.

lost clown said...

I hope that once I get out of this depressive funk I've been in for the past few months I'll be able to change my life in a way that makes taking drugs something that I only need for a little while.

Unfortunately, anonmopmoose I've tried many different herbal, acupuncture, and other ways to try and fix this. None have worked so far (I go herbal before I go Western), and I'm taking pycnogenol (an herb) for my ADD symptoms since I don't want to take an amphetamine daily. I think it's working, but until I get out of this depressive fog we'll never know.

lost clown said...

kansassunflower:

I just started taking Lamictal and am told that the rash can be deadly so to stop taking the drug immediately if I start to get a rash. Still have my fingers crossed I won't get one. This drug seems a shitload better then the dreaded lithium, etc.

AradhanaD said...

LC - I wish you the very best, stay strong! Anonymous - that's just really, really horrible advice.

We all deal with the patriarchy - that's the whole problem - just living on this planet and eating the food that comes out of ANY soil means investing in patriarchy. I'm guessing you eat dont you?

*oooh ppl like you make me so angry!!!* Get a clue between structural and individual problems - there is no one-size fits all solution to health issues. ARGH!!! GRRRR!!!

cheri21061 said...

Wow. I just stumbled onto this site while looking for info. on Bipolar II. I have it. LC, take care of yourself as you are doing. I'm glad you realize that anonymous is just another bitter babe longing to rule the world. No,really anonymous. I was just talking to a young woman last night who's brilliant friends advised her to stop taking her medication--she has Bipolar I. After a full psychotic break, she is only beginning to recover. Do you really want to be responsible for a person's horrible suffering or even death? You have no idea of the pain you can cause. Please get a grip. Your ego is hog wild. You teach us about things through this site, so now let us teach you about something you don't understand. It's okay not to understand everything. I sure as hell don't.

lost clown said...

Thanks for the support. All I can say is that I have been doing really well on my Lamictal. I will continue to blog about mental health, as it is a big part of my life.

Anonymous said...

hey, i just started on lamictal 5 days ago for my newly diagnosed Bipolar II. i also have a bpd axis II diagnosis, but its not the dominating factor in my illness ( so they say )

so, i'm right along with you.. on this lamictal train... let's see what happens! =]

Anonymous said...

To Anonomopmoose, Mind altering substances? These medications balance out the chemicals in your brain for a better functioning on a whole. There is no doubt that certain medications will not work for certain people but it is all to help people become happier in themselves. And as for your "Is it for the Kids benefit" argument, Of course it is, Future employees are not going to hire a barely function person so yes it is for the Kid because without the medication they would not be considered as Normal and Unusual does not get you a job. (I am 16 with Bipolar 2.)

Sacred Lotus said...

Its funny when you hear people say don't take the drugs...it does this, it does that....I was there once. I tried everything before taking meds. Let that corny ball dumb-nut say what he wants b/c he/she doesn't know what it feels like to be in our shoes. It is a tough disease and that's what it is...as DIS-EASE! It's like any other disease we encounter but people like him/her can't get past the label. I had a hard time with that too. It was really tough for me. I was one of those people that was so quick to judge what being "bipolar" is. It doesn't mean crazy and it's not just about mood swings. One key difference between bipolar 1 and 2 is that with 1 you'll have suicidal thoughts and even try to go through with it. One of my closest friends has it and was mis-diagnosed for many years! He went through so many meds and is finally on the right one and is doing great. Its amazing to me. I too was mis-diagnosed. I was told I was suffering from depression and I was on Sam-E and other herbs...but it wasn't working. Finally, I began to do my research and was told to try Zoloft and it would make me feel great for 2 week and then my doc would up my mg and then I would be ok for 2 weeks...and so on and so on. I was at the highest dosage and I just kept rapid cycling. I decided to take a closer look and really read about it and found out what symptoms I was really having. the anger, the anxiety, the moments of euphoria, the depression...etc. The hypomania state. I talked to my doctor about it and everything has started to make sense.

Does anyone feel like it's almost like a grieving process when you do figure out what is going on with you? B/c you go through all the different emotions and it's all so overwhelming. I too am on Lamictal and have been for a while and although it seems to be ok...I'm just starting to notice a rash...so if it doesn't get better within a week, I'll be switching. But so far, the toughest thing that I've been dealing with is guilt. When you are going through the motions in the beginning you don't see things as clear. Then when the fog clears everything makes sense and you realize all the things you have been doing all this time. For me it's the spending and OCD aspect of the disease. Now I see where it has gotten me. But it was only about temporary happiness. I was depressed...I'll buy another pair of shoes.

Ok, so I've babbled on and on. But this is my first time on a blog and I'm looking for such support. My husband supports me, but at the same time doesn't know how to exactly handle it yet. It's been tough for both of us.

We are all going to be ok and I thank you guys for letting me vent.

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