Rape and survival

From a post by the intelligent Ginmar at A View from a Broad (full post there)

Patricia Hearst was supposed to die or be raped and be properly humbled and abashed: she wasn't supposed to try and survive and make us question the rape or die 'choices' we give women. Rape victims have to die because when they don't it's really hard not to ask questions about what rape is, and what purpose it serves in society. If they insist on living, or worse yet, recovering, then they're not obeying the rape script. Rape is supposed to teach a woman a lesson, to make her humble. As long as we insist on rescueing women after rape instead of before, then we're all complicit in that.

This stood out to me. Why? Is it because most women I know have been sexually assaulted or raped? Is it because many of these women are among the strongest and loudest anti-patriarchy voices out there?

I have severe PTSD (because of a lot of things, sexual assault being one of them) and I've found that even before I had the breakdown that made me stop ignoring the fact that I had PTSD occured, I was angry and I was fighting tooth and nail against the patriarchy. Because that is the way that I found to survive. To many of the women I know, it is also their way of surviving the trauma of rape. And while they may have become more cautious of their actions and of scenarios they've put themselves in (me too, here), they have become the LOUDEST, MOST RADICAL people you could meet. It's the only thing to do really. Anger is a step towards healing, as anyome working through PTSD knows.

My friends, women I've talked with through my work as an advocate, women who have felt comfortable enough to share with me your stories of sexual assault and of your survival, well, first off, thank you, you give me hope. Secondly, what I've learned is that we have not, and will not "learn our lesson." We are not humble. (Hear that rapists? Your plan to silence us doesn't work.) I know that for me personally, I become more and more radical every year. I see more and more things every year. The lesson I learned is that I have to be the opposite of humble, I have to demand space, demand freedom, demand to be seen and treated as a person. If rape is supposed to keep us in fear, those who have survived (and there are many out there...it is possible heal, to get on with your life) teach us that we can face that fear and we can win.

The idea of rape is used to keep us scared, to keep us responsible for being raped, instead of blaming those truly responsible: the rapists and our rape culture. It's horrible and I want no one to face it, but I'm going to repeat what (I hate) everyone says to me: we survive, we become stronger, we fight, and we are better. We're not afraid anymore, your plan didn't work. SO take your rape culture and shove it up your right nostril. We're coming for you.

I am amazed at times that I survived and continue to survive. I am amazed at all the women I meet who are the same. But the problem is, I don't know many radicals out there who haven't suffered this or have known someone very close to them who has been assaulted (I do believe that sexual assault happens in Domestic/Dating violence situations and I know some women who come to radical feminism through surviving DV.) How do we make this real for women without them having to experience something horrendous like this? How can we bring more people into the understanding that radical feminists have of the world before they're brutalized? Because really, that is what we need to do, and I have no idea how to do it. Talking and pointing out numbers, etc., doesn't work, I've done it.

How do we show someone how marginalized they are by patriarchy before the patriarchy shows them (in a much more violent way)? I want all those women/girls who half get it to understand it completely. How can I do that when my words don't seem to have any sway? (I understand they do, but I can't/won't/don't want to wait until everyone has an awakening (which unfortunately, IMHO, happens after a traumatizing event) because that'll take to damn long? Why am I fighting with "feminists" over porn and exploitation? Why can't they see it as clearly as I do? That those images promote a rape culture, that I'm not going to be ok with anything that promotes a rape culture? Why, why, WHY????


(You hear that assholes: if you don't want anymore radical feminists you should simply stop raping/beating us. See that simple. So stop.)

Also, I finally got around to making a thought out response to the compulsive masculinity comments)